I know I write about the weather too much. However, it’s just been weird lately. When you get 26C temperatures in March, that’s odd. When they are followed three days later by snow, that’s freaking bizarre. Today, it hailed…with “today” being April 1st. Perhaps the universe has a sense of humour after all.
While we were roasting in Toronto, it was snowing on Vancouver Island, where spring habitually begins in mid-February. On March 31st, a friend of mine living in St. John’s was forced to shovel his driveway. The weather forecast for the next week shows temperatures varying by 17 degrees within the course of a single day. It’s as if the season is having a genuinely hard time coming to terms with its identity. Someone should write a coming-of-age YA novel about it.
One problem is that it’s impossible to know what to wear. If it’s -2C when you leave in the morning, 15C when you go out for lunch, and 6C by the time you start to make your way home, are you just supposed to keep donning and/or shedding layers all day? Do you wear boots? Sneakers? Walking shoes? Sandals? Do you need a tuque? Gloves? A scarf? Is the wind blowing, making it seem ten degrees colder than it really is? What if the wind stops blowing? Should the windows be open at night? During the day? What if everything changes five minutes from now?
Are the wild fluctuations in pressure and humidity harming my musical instruments? Do they account for the fact that I’m tired all the time? Can I blame them for my reluctance to start marking? Why have I not started marking? Why do Cinnamon Pops not taste like cinnamon? Are people going to try to kill me again after they read this week’s West of Bathurst comics? Has the weather affected my attention span?
What is the meaning of life? Why do dogs have wet noses? What if you gave God a sandwich so big he couldn’t finish it? What did I do with the driver disk for my portable scanner, and why is there no way to find the driver online? Why are old clocks and old keys so wonderful? What would happen if I decorated my apartment with old clocks? Could I recreate the opening scene of Back to the Future, and would there be dog food involved? Am I subconsciously a steampunk fan? Why are tiny little musical instruments so appealing? Why does everyone sneeze in a different way?
Damn you, weather: this is what you’ve done to me.