Dear Doctor:

Would it at all inconvenience you if I borrowed your TARDIS for a bit?  I don’t have to keep it; I know you need it to save the universe with, plus occasionally to visit Shakespeare and Winston Churchill.  However, what interests me about it is that it’s bigger on the inside.  My apartment, you see, is not.

Cleaning is tedious at the best of times, but when you have completely run out of shelf space, it becomes an exercise in frustration.  You “tidy things up” by moving your possessions from one pile to another.  You can’t put them away because there isn’t anywhere for them to go.  When you sit down to start figuring out what to throw out or recycle, you cart bag after bag out of your apartment, then turn around to survey it, only to find that it looks exactly as messy and chaotic as it did before you got rid of all that stuff.  Perhaps all you want to do is move your decrepit old couch, which has a hole twice the size of your head in it, out so you can get another one in, but you have been working at “cleaning up” for days, and it’s still impossible to extract the couch from the teetering piles that surround it.  You have also breathed in about a pound of dust.

If I could just have the use of your TARDIS for a few days, I could shove a bunch of crap into it, get the damn couch out, then retrieve the crap before it inconvenienced you much.  I know using the TARDIS as a glorified storage locker is probably kind of demeaning for a machine that is basically alive and has been designed to plumb the depths of time and space, but I’m desperate here.

If you could get back to me yesterday, which I know you’re perfectly capable of doing, that would be appreciated.





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