Hello, everybody. I used to write Rants here, but then I started not doing that any more. Every once in a while, I think to myself, “Maybe I should write a Rant again.” Then I don’t, usually because I have to mark twelve million essays instead. I blame marking for everything.
At any rate, I do have this blog, which actually started out as a comments section for West of Bathurst back when I didn’t quite understand how to make a comments section properly. I’m going to claim that I’ll stop ignoring it, though that may or may not turn out to be true.
Here is 2015:
Wow, 2014 was terrible, wasn’t it? It was grim and dark and full of discouragement, and it felt like being kicked in the teeth by Destiny for 365 days in a row. Surely 2015 will be better. Surely I’ll accomplish something in 2015. I mean, there was that e-mail in December of 2014 from that editor who said he liked my book and wanted to see about publishing it, but I haven’t heard from him since, so that may have been a hallucination. Probably nothing will come of it. I must not be positive about anything. Bad things happen to positive people! If I’m unrelentingly negative, anything good will come as a happy surprise.
Oh, look, I’m starting 2015 by being sick for two weeks. Am I cleaning my apartment? I am not. Am I recording music? Not that either. Have I finished the bonus comic for my giant comics collection, which should have been completed months ago? Of course I haven’t. Now school has started, and my class sizes have gone up, and the students really like their cell phones and do not want to know about academic essay writing. I think I’ll teach myself how to make chainmaille jewellery because I clearly don’t have enough else to do. Thank goodness it’s almost Reading Break.
It’s Reading Break, and I have 150 essays to mark. Maybe I’ll start tomorrow. Maybe I’ll start on Thursday. Reading Break is over, and I haven’t marked any essays. I have finished my comics collection. I bet it will be easy to get that sucker published via an American printer. Oh, hey…what’s happened to the Canadian dollar?
I did some recording! Surely I’ll be able to get a new CD out before that convention in the spring. I’ll be MCing the whole thing, so I should have something to sell. Look…more marking. What a surprise that is. Here’s a convention at the height of marking terror. Here’s another convention–the one I’m MCing–on the horizon. Is my CD done? Barely…but it won’t be available until the day after the convention is over. Hey, what do you know? Convention #1 gave me the flu right in time for Convention #2, which I shall spend shivering and nursing a splitting headache. I’ll also give the flu to everyone else at the convention, obviously.
Spring is here at last, and so is all the marking ever. I don’t think the marking will ever end. The marking is over! I have one more course to teach, and then–
THAT EDITOR CALLED ME ON THE PHONE AND HE WANTS TO BUY MY BOOK AND HE WORKS FOR TOR AND TOR IS AWESOME AND I AM SO HAPPY AND EXCITED AND SURE THAT SOMETHING AWFUL IS GOING TO HAPPEN TO ME TOMORROW AND WHY CAN’T I REACT TO THESE THINGS LIKE A NORMAL PERSON AND I DON’T REMEMBER WHAT NORMAL IS SUPPOSED TO FEEL LIKE AND HERE COMES SOME MORE MARKING–
I am calmer now. I AM NOT CALM AT ALL. The American printer sent me a sample copy of my comics collection, but no one told me it had arrived, and it got sent back again. Delays are everywhere.
There is a bad plagiarism situation that I’m dealing with, and it makes me feel terrible about myself and basically everything else in the world, but I have another convention to attend, this one in Boston. Miraculously, it does not make me sick. Hurrah! My comics collection has arrived, and it looks amazing! Now I must order over a hundred copies of it. Uh…what is going on with the Canadian dollar?
I have lost thousands of dollars on this comics collection. How did that happen? I made a spreadsheet and everything. It had math on it. Time to order the books anyway and organise a mailing party. Mailing parties are a lot of work. There are boxes everywhere, and we have destroyed my friend Kevin’s apartment with our sea of packages.
Summer is over already. My apartment has still not been cleaned. I’ve been nominated for some awards for some stuff. When can I tell everyone about the book? I have already told everyone about the book because I am impatient, but when can I tell Facebook about the book? IT IS TIME TO TELL FACEBOOK ABOUT THE BOOK. Facebook and I are high-fiving each other.
The plagiarism case that started in the spring is finally over. I am having feelings about the plagiarism case, and those feelings colour what turns out to be a brutal stress factory of a term. Look how behind I am on everything. I think I’ll make some more chainmaille jewellery.
I have won a Prix Aurora Award for my music! I have won another Prix Aurora Award for my comic! I have nowhere to put my awards because I have still not cleaned my apartment! I just got a notice from my superintendent informing me that on my birthday, in January of 2016, the building will be sprayed for roaches, which means that I’ll need to empty out all my cupboards and closets and move all the furniture two feet away from the walls. I don’t think that is going to be physically possible. Next term, apparently, I’m going to be teaching up to 291 students, and one of my courses will be one I’ve never taught before. A doctor has given me a prescription for massage because I’m so tense I’ve lost my voice and can feel my face seizing up.
It’s Christmas break at last, and I’m flying to Lethbridge. My niece and nephew have grown and are very excited and bouncy. We are having a white Christmas! I am flying back to Toronto. It’s New Year’s Eve, and I feel as if I have accomplished nothing this year. I know that isn’t true, but it’s how my brain works, and I accept that. Anyway, surely 2016 will be better. Surely I’ll accomplish something in 2016.
Happy New Year, everyone. 2016 will kick us all in the teeth because every year does that, but other stuff will happen too, so hurrah.